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April 17th, 2007
December 16th, 2006
07:12 pm - I Can't Resist This Friday Five
Crushes
1) Who was your first crush? (Celebrity or average)
I'm not gonna count teachers here, or any of the girls who used to chase me (or make out with me, which was wierd since it was preschool at the time), or my first "girlfriend." To me, crush indicates unrequited. That means Megan Hoffman...whew, that was bad news. Her utter dismissal of my affections in second grade is directly responsible for my retreating into a Napoleon-de-Bergerac role for the majority of the rest of my natural life. Or at least, that's what I blame.
2) Who do you currently have a crush on now?
I've heard folks claim this is too old to have crushes. That said, I have crushes of various stripes on several girls, I guess. Hell, it's like a box of crayolas, come to think of it...I like variety? But unfortunately (for someone...them or me) I'm still all "boo-hoo breakup" and not much dating use to anyone.
3) Have you ever become so obsessed with a crush, you went to extreme measures to find out everything about him/her?
What if I don't have to go to extreme measures? People like to talk to me about stuff, sometimes a little too much. I'm never sure if I should be flattered or not that I usually find out from a given woman if she's taken within the first two or three minutes of conversation. I like getting to know people, though, so if I have a crush on someone and I talk to her I probably know a lot about her. No stalker stories in my past, though.
4) Has your crush ever turned out to be your future girlfriend/boyfriend?
Twice, I guess? I mean, I'm not much for one night stands, so I've known just about everyone I've ever dated or ...okay, not fooled around with, but dated at least. I may not have known them long, but for a guy with a lot of female friends there's this certain expectation that one has to move quickly when setting terms for association with a new young lady. But one crush (of about 4 months) worked intermittently as a relationship for a while, and another crush (of three years) had...results. Maybe consequences is a better word?
But generally speaking, the girls I've really been crazy for I've been crazy for right from the start, and gone for right from the start (though my "going for" is a lot like never saying anything and maybe not being able to speak a coherent sentence to said lady). I'm a romantic like that.
5) Did a best friend ever turn into more than just a friend?
Oh hells no. That whole "sitting casually on the couch, just chilling, and suddenly our lips met" thing? I cannot honestly say that has ever happened. I've hung out with girls with whom I eventually had relations of some stripe, but I guess I wouldn't call them "friends" like I consider my female friends friends, if that makes sense. Let alone best friends. In my head, being friends with a girl pretty much precludes me ever gettin' them goodies...but instead I get a support system and a lot of good times, so that's not all that bad.
Current Location: Work, before I fly home to Wyoming on Monday!
Current Music: Garden State Soundtrack
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December 3rd, 2006
09:51 pm - Snazzily dressed quiz
I should probably blog about things and stuff, but this'll do for now.
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November 3rd, 2006
05:54 pm - It's Nicole, then?
I seriously didn't know, but I'm surmising that from your recent entries.
Speaking of "don't know," I don't really know you. Which is awesome. You're the only random person I have on my LiveJournal, which really doesn't make you random at all. It does summat limit which accolades I'm equipped to confer, however. You're an evocative and engaging writer, capable of stirring a special bittersweet awareness like crisp autumn afternoons. It was your "whatwemiss" post that caught my attention, after all.
Better still, though, you're capable of conveying hilarity and whimsy with equal ease. You do a job I could never do, even though I went for a psych degree. If your entries are any indication, you're one of the few educational professionals I've met who really cares about the students, and that's phenomenal.
Plus you did break the sleep-speed record for stuffing me into a dream after meeting me, and that's pretty cool too ^-^!
Current Location: Now it's back to the office
Current Music: Angels and Airwaves- "The Adventure"
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05:48 pm - Sabrina, No Longer the Teenage Witch
You're my only LJ-friend who actually knew me before college. A few other GR peeps read the journal, but they only see the public entries. You're well-ensconced in the running for having known me longest out of anyone I talk to these days.
You also drove across town once to bring me a block of cheese, and that was awesome. I love talking to you now as much as I did back then, and relish your willingness to follow a conversation into all manner of weighty regions. Getting to visit with you was one of the high points of my cross-country summer trek, and I hope you stick around Casper for a few more Seth visits! You're also the only person I've ever trusted enough to toss my Tarot, and it was so wicked accurate I'm sure I'll ask you to do it again. Amid the tedium of every day existence, you manage to acknowledge and embrace a true life of the mind and spirit. That's a truly spectacular thing.
Current Location: 1040 Trona Dr., by the Diner
Current Music: The Bad Touch
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05:42 pm - Sophia Sophia
Sophs! It's been forever since you commented and probably a like quantity of time before you get online again and see this, but still, here goes: It's been an absolute pleasure sharing a bit of life with you. From our first chance to really chat (Subway before I headed out to Marshall!) to decorating the wall, to late-night headphone-sporting walks, my Sophie memories are good memories. Even the few scary ones are redeemed by their happy endings. It's been exciting to watch you grow up as well; or watch/read/hear in random spurts, as it were. You have a limitless heart and a grasp on the beauty of the world that is nearly unrivaled in my experience. The thing I most look forward with you now is getting to see an apartment you've decorated and made all your own. I want to see pictures and snatches of poem strewn across every surface...make it happen!
Current Location: Treading the Path to the Rock
Current Music: Was it...JJ72?
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05:35 pm - Oy
It's only proper to begin with the beginning, as they say.
Oyester, you're the Prince of Poultry, the Puntificate. Any time I feel my ego's in danger of swelling, I have marely to consider your myriad accomplishments and unparalleled command of numerous languages--or your Hot or Not rating ^-^. It's also been a humbling pleasure to watch you "grow up" such as it were; I remember when you were entering college! It's no idle threat when I tell you to anticipate an explosion of khaki and denim, topped with a curly fro, and brimming with hormones. Until then, here's to the internet!
Current Location: Nostalgically Treading the Old Pits
Current Music: The Squawking of Exploding Chickens
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October 27th, 2006
07:57 pm - I'll do this quick-like
I'm sore in the waist region from going Tyler Durden on myself last night, and tomorrow I'll be wearing a child's medium ninja turtle costume (I'm Donatello, and do machines).
Friday five!
1) What was the last thing that you ate?
Nerds.
2) Who was the last person you shared a meal with?
Johnny K and Jay C (not to be confused with JC), at the little Taco John's in town.
3) What is your favorite all time dish (recipes welcome)?
Macaroni and cheese. You boil some pasta. You grate/slice/cube/chop/crumble about a quarter-to-half pound of cheese (I like a sharp cheddar and either a smoky provolone or a milder cheddar), and cut off about a middle-section-of-your-index finger length of butter. Drain the noodles, drop the butter in the pan, add a splash of milk (I like the bottom of the pan just covered, size varies tho) and a moderately heaping spoonful of white flour. Let that stir and bubble until it's sorta pastey, then add in the cheese. For a creamier sauce, use a spoon or two of ricotta, but lower the milk accordingly. Melt the shit up and add the pasta!
4) If you could eat one thing for an entire year, what would it be?
That.
5) If you could have dinner with any five people (dead or alive) who would they be?
I'm thinking Oy, Perkins, Melissa, the aforementioned Johnny K, and myself. That would be a conversation.
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October 22nd, 2006
06:18 pm - I'll Use Big Words to Make You Feel Glad!
It's that meme time of the year, again.
1. Reply to this post if you'd like some ego boosting.
2. Watch my journal over the next few days for a post just about you, only you, and why I think whatever I do about you.
3. Post these instructions in your journal and pass it on.
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October 17th, 2006
05:39 pm - I Was Sure I Gave This a Title
Edit: My mind is totally blown with the other potential ways to play around with marketing concepts in the realm of relationships, both generally and for me personally. It's the sort of infectious excitement that usually lasts about 15 minutes, so those'll be a fun 15. Also, any suggested synonyms for "use?" I don't like making it sound as though the women in my life used me in the bad, relationship-usey sense.
So I've been thinking about how I complain that past relationships ended poorly and this and that. And I'm in this marketing class, and really enjoy that sort of thing; it's the same reason I love psychology. I like the fundementally malleable nature of reality and people's reactions; how telling someone something is "better" because it's cheaper/more expensive/new/old makes them believe it. It's sexy stuff.
And it occurred to me that I should turn things around. In the process I can convince myself that things actually work out well and simultaneously make myself deviously more appealing.
( So here's the test run. )
Current Location: My Office
Current Music: At the school for almost 10 hours at this point.
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October 13th, 2006
09:13 pm - "To Destiny, May We Recognize it When We See it; To Love, May We Avoid it When It's No Good for Us."
I got to dance last night. Fuck, it's been a long time since I've danced. Turns out that, in the interim, women have grown much better at it too. Good night, good times.
I suppose I should have wisdoms to relate and thoughts to think. I had an interesting, excellent dream this morning (several, actually). One line that stuck with me when I woke up was "No, that doesn't bother me; we're not together. Then again, neither are you and your girlfriend."
Timely. It is hard, though; harder now that we've orbited into the "trying for friends" thing. It's very back and forth. Sometimes we're at our best, treating each other with respect and listening with interest and affection to each other's stories. Those are the times when we might slip up a bit, fall into old habits; because it's hard to keep focused on the things that made us not work.
Then there are the reminders, and gee do those suck. It's one thing to reflect on "Oh yeah, kids" or the like; but it's another for us to fall back into the fighting and arguing and lack of mutual respect that was so damning for the relationship.
I told her, the other day, that I was "glad I broke up with her, and not someone else," and she laughed because it's a wierd statement. I recognize, too, that the meaning's rather opaque. It sorta sounds like I'm saying I'm glad I dumped her, which would be innacurate since I didn't dump her (we broke up, and it's difficult to express the collective experience when voicing a personally-held opinion like my gladness) and I'm certainly not glad (I lay awake nights wondering if I made the biggest mistake of my life, and when I see my family it hurts because the last time I saw them, I saw them with her). What I meant by the statement is that I'm glad I got to this point with her, instead of someone else; glad that I gave my heart to her, and spent so much time with her, and have so much of my life now tied up in her. Because it does suck, sure, but I know it could suck much worse. And it's been hard, and will continue to be hard, but it could be harder. She laid out the likely progression of how this post-relationship will go, and I laughed, and she's probably right, and it means there's more pain ahead...but good times, too. We're both looking forward to being good friends, and are good friends, but eventually we'll be good friends without some of what makes it hard, currently, to spend a lot of time together.
Another musing that's been in my head a lot, of late, deals with quantum mechanics. Last week was Superawesome week, and I toyed with making this week Quantum week...but it's pretty hard to have two themed weeks in a row. Still, though, I've been thinking a lot about it. Basically what I keep circling is this understanding, acceptance, and accomodation of the tenet that you can't think about where you're going and focus on where you are at the same time. That, further, if you know you're on the right track to where you want to be going, where you are doesn't matter because it's somewhere along those lines; and if you like where you are, you're giving up control regarding where you're going. It probably has kinks to work out, but I think it's full of hot tasties.
I need to watch I Heart Huckabees again. I maybe need to watch What the Bleep Do We Know, too. I still need to read the Tao of Physics. I really don't like to say "need," and would be pleased if I could reduce my usage of the word.
( Friday Five! )
Current Music: Plain White T's- "Hate"
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October 10th, 2006
12:48 pm
This entry was prompted by a friend's recent entry. It's probably targeted towards guys, and I hope I don't say anything that will cause one or more females to stab me with an ice pick.
( To be honest, you could probably just watch Swingers and skip reading this entirely. )
But there's still a vast gulf between the guy who tells his female friend "Look, I really like you. We get along great, and I think you're gorgeous. Rather than sit idly by and comfort you when someone else treats you like shit, I want to show you the appreciation you deserve." and gets shot down....and the guy who sighs longingly while staring at his lovely friend, stays up till 3am listening to her sobbing about this or that, and figures this will one day blossom into her tearing his clothes off in a sympathy-induced sexual frenzy.
Current Location: My Office
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/aliens/blank.gif) Eyes that see into infinity
Current Music: mewithoutyou- "The Sun and the Moon"
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October 8th, 2006
01:59 pm
I miss having no history, no failures in my past; when the worst thing I could say was "I had a crush on this girl and never talked to her" and the best thing I could say was "I had a crush on this girl and one time we sat next to each other, and our shoulders touched, for like 15 minutes." I miss having such a small scale of experiences that the slightest movement forward was a major triumph, and even the largest setback was pretty easily forgotten.
I miss not knowing how good it could be, or how much I stood to lose.
I miss more.
Current Location: Bookstore
Current Music: Frou Frou - Lover Alone Without Love?
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03:32 am - 4 Am on the dot
( Marginally alarming opening non-sequitur )
( Breakup Songs )
( Where )
( SuperAwesome Week )
It's been a SuperAwesome week.
But I have hurt, and felt like shit. It amazes me that two or three words can so utterly devastate me, and it's a scary thing. Even if I get her out of my life, I worry she'll crawl back in and ruin me. I honestly didn't call anyone tonight for sheer fear that the one person I called would be hanging out with my ex and go "Oh...no....I can't hang out" and then hang up, and mock me with the ex. This is the fear in my head, and it's a fear encouraged by her ability to turn everything into me being a dick. She can lead with some innocuous myspace message like "Hi, how are you?" and my response, no matter how harmless, is somewhow twisted into a dire insult. It's exhausting and confusing to deal with.
Oh yeah, Friday Five.
1. If you could have a super power, which one would you have?
I've given this question a lot of thought. If you're not the sort of person who thinks about it, then it probably seems like way, way too much thought. If you are, however, it's only reasonable. I've crafted numerous superheroes who are, ostensibly and often obviously, psychological constructs based on my own personal issues. I know that it's not a power, but the set of powers, that's the real issue.
All that aside, the quick answer is that I'd have the ability to become invisible and intangible at will.
2. What would be your supername?
Iconoclast has a special ring to it...he's my favorite personally-created superhero and I still get e-mails for his secret identity.
3. Who would be your arch-nemesis and what would be their superpower?
Girls who break hearts? /emo moment.
4. Who would be your sidekick and would they have a superpower?
I'd be all about walking this lonely world alone.
5. What would be your motto?
Something Taoist, probably. Something along the lines of "Doing great works invisibly is better than being known for inferior accomplishments."
Current Location: Bound to Read
Current Mood: Flower.
Current Music: Taking Back Sunday
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October 5th, 2006
04:51 pm - Superawesome Thursday
>|<-<>
Superawesome week continues! As much an experiment in wishful thinking/quantum focus as an actual event, I have to say that so far it's gone pretty well. I quoted myself on the facebook at 60% awesome thus far, and I'm shooting to hit somewhere in the 80-95% range by week's end. That feels reasonable.
( I start talking about my grandparents, then get lost. ) Today I had lunch with the grandparents and gave them a tour of the downtown and the college. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to giving tours. I don't know what is of interest to other people, especially my grandparents. My grandparents are old. My grandpa is actually using a cane to get around, and I worried every time we went down stairs. I kept imagining having to catch his little, frail, bird-like body and worrying I wouldn't get there in time.
The other thing I hadn't noticed about my grandparents until recently (maybe last year?) is that my grandfather almost never lets my grandmother get a word in edgewise. If she does, he corrects her. I managed to inadvertently stumble into arguments (well, disagreements. They're old and gentle people) they'd had while I wasn't there, and he'd go "See? I was right!" That freaks me out. People be all worried about the parents, the relationship the parents have, etc...no one warned me to watch out for the grandparents!
( Now some Seth-brand introspection! )
But in the context of my previous experiences, being single is pretty cool. I can go out, and talk to people. I can talk to girls. I can smile at them, and laugh at jokes. I can compliment them for looking particularly beautiful, or picking a scarf that goes well with their outfit, or for having lovely eyes. I can have conversations on the phone where there's talking, not a sullen waiting.
I can talk to people and, rather than feeling like an utter asshole, feel like I'm actually a pretty nice guy. And that, when you get right down to it, is Super Awesome.
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Current Location: My Office
Current Mood: Sorta...ishy-ish.
Current Music: Mars Volta- "The Widow"
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October 2nd, 2006
09:36 pm - It's Time for a SuperAwesome Week!
I'm hoping that if I keep saying that, it'll come true. You kids can have one too, if you like. Just chant it with me...superawesome, Superwesome, SuperAwesome!
Anyway. Overall my weekend was good, sustaining, rejuvenating. Apparently it didn't take all the way though, because I still couldn't roll out of bed today until something like 11:30. ( I could blame the power outage. )
Still, whether it's weariness or depression or the sampler platter, I still slept most of the day away again. ( Dreams are such a refuge. )
Anyway, like I said it was a good weekend, but some of that seemed to fall apart today. It didn't happen all at once, and I'm not even sure why it happened at all. I returned a girl's flash drive that was on the sidewalk a few days ago, got some work done for my presentation tomorrow, ate some foods, and made it to the bookstore for work. 2 hours late, admittedly, but that's only because they changed my schedule and forgot to call and remind me.
( Things started slipping at the bookstore. )
Maybe he says it a little weakly, sure; his voice is a little shakey. But still, he's just lookin' down and remarking, not screaming or making a scene. Then there's maybe a weak chuckle and he passes out.
I wanna go out like that, emotionally speaking.
Current Music: I think this is UnderOath?
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September 30th, 2006
01:37 am - That Was Surprisingly Therapeutic
Instead of linking to that crazy long post, I'll cut it here. Anyway, whatwemiss is all up ons the front page right now, so maybe you cats caught it. It's just a place to post what you happen to miss.
( As it turns out, I miss a lot. )
Current Location: Still my office
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/aliens/happy.gif) A little eyebrow action
Current Music: "The Truth About Heaven"-Armor for Sleep
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12:55 am - Oh Don't Think It's Not Friday
If I get to typing on this new community I joined I'll link it here. For now, ( dis. )
Current Location: My Office
Current Music: "What's it Gonna Be?" Mike O'Connell and Dr. Ken
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September 22nd, 2006
09:23 pm
Gotta admit, I dig this new Chingy/Tyrese song. Mostly I just like the chorus (which is probably true a lot for popular songs). There's something visceral, an almost physical sensation associated with the repetition of "me backs" by C n T.
I'm also thinking that a large part of lostprophets' appeal is that they craft the kind of chorus you want to sing along to, even if (especially if) your voice lacks the purity of tone associated with, you know, a singer.
Aww shit, but now this "Vans" song is all capturing my attention. I can't imagine being stressed out to this song...I should snatch it up.
Anypants, I'm back in my office. Again. Like the fifth night in a row. I was reflecting, as I walked the empty halls of the buildings between where I parked and said office, that I'm hiding here. It's my place to hide out, my place of refuge. It's not the first place to be such; before the office it was the bookstore. I like hiding in places where I can feel useful. Admittedly, the bookstore's better for that than the office because at the bookstore I'm probably working. Here I'm mostly just in the RoE chat and listening to music.
Before the bookstore I pretty much hid out at my apartment. It was awesome, after all--all decorated and full of stuff and home to myself and the woman I loved (not hard to see why I don't hang out there anymore, eh?). Now it's sorta creepy and sad, though I'm doing my best to make it better. It's just wierd, being that I'm one foot in and one foot out as regards Marshall. I know I need to buy things like a computer desk, maybe move stuff around, put up some posters, and the apartment will feel a lot more like a home. I'm amazed at how powerful it is to just place a poster, or a picture, on a wall; it says "Hey, this is where I live. This is mine." At the same time, I'm totally ready to just pack up and disappear, so every bit of myself I pour into the place seems almost wasted.
Before that I probably hid out in Shelly's room, and hid out in my room when I was hiding out from Shelly, and maybe went to McDonald's or the Pub every once in a while. Point is, in Marshall my hiding has been very interior, very much skulking out of sight. In Cville I feel that my hiding, my "getting away" was more global. If I needed to think, I'd go for a walk. Maybe I'd just hit the rock, but usually I went much farther; I'd walk around campus, or I'd walk to Walmart. Hell, bout twice a week I walked to Kroger's or the movie theatre just because.
I want to have that kind of relationship with Marshall, because I feel that not having it is hurting me. But I'm not sure how to forge that relationship as quickly as I feel I need it. It's something I've been trying to force ever since I got here, because the change from Cville was so immediate and dramatic. I want to smile as I stride down the sidewalk, mutter "cheeky minge" under my breath, and be talking about the city. I want to be awed by things I see and do and people I meet; I've had tastes of that here but somehow haven't made the connection.
It's probably me. I imagine it is. But I don't know what I can do about it.
Current Location: My Office
Current Mood: I'm going out now.
Current Music: That Vans song was pretty cool. This is Jars of Clay now.
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